I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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