Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
