I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
