I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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