not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
