he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
