Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
