I accidentally burped into my bong.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
