i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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