There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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