I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
