dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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