I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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