I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But theres a keg here and me gusta
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
