from now on my penis is your penis
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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