I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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