I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
