The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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