im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
