I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
