no, he came in my armpit
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
