Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
