how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
