apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
