If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
