haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
