I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
