marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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