in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
