At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
