i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
