Don't make out with my wife yet
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
