break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
