i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
