I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
