i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
