white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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