Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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