He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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