I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
