We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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