somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
