If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
