WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
