We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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