turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
