just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
