I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
