a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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