Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
