in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
