Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
