You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
