is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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