I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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