we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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