I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
