next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
