so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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