You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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