Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
