Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
